Hey Lazy Butts!

Stop reading this tired, old blog and swap over to my new, shiny one!
Now!!

Sorry about the invite mixup guys!
I had the blog protected when I was still working on the layout, and just forgot to take it off but the problem should be fixed now.
Try again!

As you're probably aware by now, I got engaged last night.
I started a new blog to go along with this new chapter in my life and I would be ecstatic if you would go through the trouble of following me on that one.
You can read all about our engagement story and check out my new blog, Eating Crow Pie, here.

I just got engaged!

Happy Blogoversary to Me!

One year ago today I wrote this.
And shortly after that I posted this.
Ain't she cute?
Look at her now.
(This is what I did last Saturday night.)

I've joked about the beauty walk being a "dog walk" for the past five years or so and this year it was appropriately themed "A Walk in the Park."

Ahahahahahaha!

(And no cracks about the way my old school looks!

This is Alabama and yes, its a public school and we are poor.)

Here's one of me (in the middle) and both my sisters.

I know I look like an old hag but, #1 I had worked ALL day, #2 it was raining and my hair looked that sad and pathetic for two days after that because it was still raining.

Ugh.

Check out her boobs.

Silicon inserts from that store I hate so much Wal*Mart.

It should come as no surprise to you that I woke up iller than a hornets' nest this morning when you hear read this story gripe.
The people that live in the apartment above mine have dogs.
8 dogs.
Chihuahua dogs, which I'm not sure if you know this or not but it's been scientifically proven that the weight of a single Chihuahua increases threefold when said Chihuahua lives in an apartment above a girl who is trying to study for freakin' BOARDS!
ARGHHH!
I am not happy.
Those stupid dogs woke me up BEFORE FIVE O'CLOCK! this morning!
Howling, howling, howling.
I don't know about what because its not like they were wanting to be taken outside.
Those people don't walk their dogs outside.
I've never seen them take the dogs outside.
They let them poop and pee on their balcony and then they sweep it off onto MY porch!
Know what else they sweep off the porch?
Fluff.
Fluff that the dogs have torn out of the futon that's up there on the balcony because the mom and dad dog have to stay on the porch most of the day.
I don't know why but if you look, it's true.
I can't study at night when it sounds like there's a dog track going on over my head.
When the man comes home from work, the dogs get all excited and yip and yap and run laps all over the whole apartment.
Then the man gets tired of playing and shuts them in their room which, heh, just so happens to be the room directly above mine.
And I'm trying to study and they're begging for attention and I'm getting madder and madder by the day.
So I decided that I'd had enough of this nonsense and made plans to call up the landlady/property manager this morning.
Only I forgot my phone at the house this morning and now I'm eighty miles away at school.
I guess I'll call her tomorrow and unleash the beast on her.

When Does Tragedy Arrive?

Have you ever wondered what life will be like after you're dead and gone?
Will the flowers be pretty, will it be the casket you want, where will you be laid to your permanent rest?
Who will come to your funeral, who will cry the hardest?
Have you ever thought that you wanted to be in control of your destiny, deciding yourself on the way you'd go out?
The diseases and ailments that people die from today are vast and varied.
There is no way to "die beautifully."
Ever thought, "If I run the car off the road, right here, into those trees, it will all be over and I won't have to worry about ______.  The roads are slick, it will look like an accident and no one will be mad at me for killing myself."
Suicide is pretty vain every way you look at it..
It's selfish and rebellious.
I've thought about suicide not as a means to an end, but thought about whose hearts I'd break if I did.
(This is not a suicide letter by any means, I'm not contimplating suicide at all.
A friend's daughter's friend's mother killed herself this weekend over money troubles.)
I have too much to live for and most of my reasons are pretty selfish.
Well, they all are.
Rachel's Reasons for Not Committing Suicide: I don't want an autopsy, I hate flowers, I'll miss seeing so-and-so's ugly baby grow up, I'll miss seeing so-and-so get married, I'll miss seeing so-and-so get divorced, I'll miss my own wedding, I'll miss my own babies, I'll miss Boots.
On and on and on.
I'm not going to do it.
I am going to chase this thought rabbit that runs through my brain though.
(Has anyone else notice that my thoughts do kind of just run around from one thing to another?)
I think that most of us live our lives in extended anticipatory grief stages, bouncing back and forth between them and sometimes even repeating.
When we're teenagers, we think we're never going to die and we live our lives with reckless abandon.
That's Denial.
When we're a little older than teenagers, we start to realize that everyone and everything must die.
Live can't continue forever.
That's Acceptance.
When we hear about someone less than forty years old having a stroke, almost wrecking the car, and killing her family, but being saved by her youngest ten year old son, and being diagnosed with a brain tumor, we wonder why things like this happen in the prime of someone's life.
That's Anger.
And possibily some Depression.
We realize that we don't usually get a say in what happens to us.
We realize that whatever it is is going to happen to us and most times it's out of our hands.
Acceptance again?
Depression maybe?
The bottom line is, we all have to die.
It will be ugly, either tragic or debilitating.
We will die horrifically or either peacefully after long battles with various illnesses.
We never know when it's coming for us, unless we plan it.
I don't recommend planning your death.
Too many things can go wrong when humans start playing God.
Just let it happen.
Hope for the best and live life the way you want to remember it.

Two Years Ago Today......

I witnessed embalming for the very first time two years ago today.
I was 19 and scared to death that I would pass out like I did witnessing so many other various medical procedures.
But I didn't pass out, I loved it.
I remember her name too, but I can't tell you because that is private information.
She was my first.
I held her hand.
I got lost on my way to the funeral home.
It was sleeting.
I was nervous because this job was what I wanted more than anything in the world.
I wanted a job that I had absolutely no skills for.
I wore grey dress pants and that stupid red cardigan with the zig-zag diamond things down the front and the stupid white collar and cuffs that promptly turned pink the moment I washed it so I never wore it again.
I have learned so much in the past two years.
Wow.

Confession Last Friday

So I stalk this girl named Amanda.
She's pretty rad in a totally-opposite-of-me way.
She's all girly and in with fashion and I just kinda throw on whatever's clean so I'd say that's totally opposite but that's neither here nor there.
Amanda has this wonderful habit of "Confession Friday" every Friday.
Last Friday, for the first time ever, I confessed on Amanda's blog comments.
I read through the other people's comments and I was like, "She will so skip over mine," in my head.
Buuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttt......Amanda thought it was cool.
Check it out here.
Today has been a total craptastic day due to the impending doom of the NBE and work and blah blah blah but apparently, bad days can be cured just like that! with a nice mention on someone else's blog.
By the way, am I bitter?
;)

I'm ill today. Ill about nothing and everything.

Current song stuck in my head:  "According to You" --Orianthe

Come to Ms. D......

Today has been my first real day of class.
Wednesdays are our Comprehensive Review Day, or Comp Review as we like to call it, and all we do is take tests all day long in one subject.
Unless we get behind and fail the test from the week before and then we have to take that test on top of this week's test.
Such was the case for several folks, including myself.
Most all of us had a Come-To-Jesus meeting with Ms. D on why we weren't doing good and where we could improve and she let us voice our worries.
I am worried.
How in the world am I going to pass Boards?
These two tests are the biggest tests I have ever in my life taken and probably will ever take.
I have two years/five semesters of knowledge that I have to pull out of my head for two tests that are 170 questions each!
That my friends is a huge amount of material to cover.
Ten weeks from today I will take my Arts Boards.
I have ten weeks to prepare.
I have already cut out watching tv and dis-whatevered my facebook.
I've even given up drinking!
I haven't had anything to drink since Christmas Eve!
I think I'm going to have to give up reading blogs (Goodbye, Pioneer Woman!  I'll miss you!), catching up on my reading list, and put aside my wedding magazines.
I really have to push all of that wedding crap out of my head.
My exercising efforts are going to fall off as quickly as they began and my cooking practice is going to have to take a backseat to eating cereal because it doesn't require much time.
I really hate cereal.
I'm really upset about having to give up sleeping 8 hours a night.
I think I could cut back to six and maybe get all my work done.
But I'm already a terrible automobile narcoleptic.
How much worse can it get before it kills me?
I've got to start spending my time at work more efficiently, studying every free second I have.
I'm not going to give up going to church (I only go one hour a week), and I'm going to have to make time for my daily not-quite-so-daily Bible reading.
I'm not giving up blogging.
Blogging is my outlet and without it I may implode.

I will probably cut back though and maybe this will mean I have better things to write about.
Maybe I won't gripe about the unfairness of Boards the whole time.
I'm upset right now but not as upset as I will be if I have to pay $400 again to take the stupid Boards again.
This is doable but its not fun or easy.
Would someone remind me why I'm doing this again?

Last night was another one of my adventures in baking.
But this wasn't a misadventure for once.
I didn't make cupcakes, pies, or even another one of my cheesecake flops.
I made "Perfect Potatoes Au Gratin," one of PW's latest food blog recipes.
Cheesey, gooey, garlicy potatoes.
If you don't like garlic, you will not like this.
Smelled like heaven in my house.
When I came back from working out it smelled like I'd died and gone to Garlic.
At least we'll be safe from those Twilight boys though.
Here's the recipe I used.
One thing PW forgets to mention when she teaches you how to smash garlic properly is exactly how much force to use.
You don't want to slam! the can down on top of the garlic but gently press or else you wind up with garlic cloves on the floor, in the sink, in the living room......you get the idea.
Not too much pressure on the garlic, folks.
(And I hope that the Chihuahua lady could smell it!)
Next time I believe I might go a touch lighter on the garlic and a touch more on the cheese.
Actually, a lot more on the cheese.
And maybe cook it a bit longer so that the potatoes are softer.
Needs tweakin'.
On second thought, was this a misadventure in baking?

The only thing I've done remotely blog-worthy today is make another one of Bakerella's cheesecakes.
Here's her recipe.
And some fabulous pictures she took with her fabulous camera.
Here's my latest disaster, I'm not just talking about the quality of my photography skills.

Ugh.

It cracked again, just like the first one did even though I didn't bake it as long.

Perhaps I should have named it "Grand Canyon Cake #2)

See?

But looks aren't everything.

I know, I know!, that this cheesecake is going to be the most awesomest, wonderful cheesecake I've ever eaten if it tastes anything at all like the first one I made. 

I cannot wait to take this bad boy to work tomorrow (those nuts think I can cook!  Ha!) and devour it with my coworkers at lunch!

Its going to be a cheesecake slaughter!

Thank you Bakerella for providing me and so many others with this wunnerful, wunnerful recipe.

I only wish I had your camera my stuff looked as good as yours.

Contest! But No Prize!

Its time to update the good ol' profile picture!
This new fabulous improved picture will be featured on my Twitter page (tragedyarrives) and here on my blog profile.
Its up to you guys to decide!
(I'm having a terribly hard time deciding between Bad, Worse, and Worst.
Ya'll pick!

Number 1!
(I really am fourteen years old, I think!)

Number 2!

Ack!

Number 3!

Terrible!

And just for kicks,

Number 4!

Pick whichever one you like the best, but I'm still going to pick the winner!

Its Like An Awards Show, But For Blogs!

Wow!
I'm so honored!
Brenda over at Mummy Time nominated me for this awesome award!
I honestly don't know what to say.
If anybody has found me via Brenda, thanks for popping over and tell her I said "Hey!"
(It's my first, am I gushing?)
Here's the award:

Am I scrappy?

Pshhhh!

Doesn't matter, beggers can't be choosers.

I'll take it!

Here are my ten honest facts that you probably don't know about me.
If you do know these things about me......I'll make it up to you I guess.

1.  I am a cheese lover. 
I love cheese. 
I will eat it on/with anything!

2.  I'm not one for heroes but man I love Martha Stewart.
She is so crafty!

3.  I'm a closest rap-music enjoyer.
I'm anticipating T.I.'s release from jail.

4.  I'm as redneck as they come but I am not trashy.
(I have lived in a few trailers though.)

5.  A year ago I thought I had a serious drinking problem.
Turns out it was just the guy I was dating.

6.  I am a cheapskate, spendthrift, tightwad, whatever you want to call it.
I like good buys and bargins on good, practical things.

7.  I get excited when no one sits near me in church because then I can sing as loud as I want to and nobody cares how bad it is.
(It doesn't take much to excite me, I know.)

8.   I'm teaching myself to cook and things are going fairly well but pretty bad.
I've only almost burned down the house once.

9.  I consider myself better than most of the kids my age because I'm completely self-supporting and have been for about two years now.
I pay all my own bills (my car is completely paid for), I don't ask anybody for money, I work at least 40 hours a week and go to school fourteen.
It is possible and I don't have to answer to anybody.

10. My biggest fear about my job is getting locked in the cooler. 
I know its only 42 degrees in there (compared to the temperatures outside, that's summer right now!) but I'm terrified of the door shutting on me! 
I prop the door open with anything I can find when I have to go in there.


Now it's my turn.
I have 9 wonderful followers.
Five of them will recieve this award (Brenda won't because she already has it) and I will include four blogs that I follow that you may or may not know about.
1. Travel and Dive Girl
2. Marnie
3. Lea
4. Pearl
5. Chris
6. Pioneer Woman
7. Zakary
8. Matt
9. Bakerella


Ok, there's my list.
Do some readin'!
......If you want to!

New Leaf

Its time for me to change.
I know that its several days past the new year and that this resolution is a bit late but its not a resolution, its a life change.
Since I was eight years old, I've been a Christian.
Until about age fourteen I was a pretty strong-in-my-faith Christian.
I know that God helped me through my parents' divorce and I'd probably be weirder and more messed up than I am without Him.
But when I was fourteen or so I started getting distracted by boys, one boy specifically and since then God hasn't been as important to me.
For about a month now, I've been reading my Bible almost everyday.
Since October I've been going to church every Sunday night and have only missed two from working late.
I've realized that God is really important to me and that I need to act like it.
My faith is really personal to me, I'm not one to talk about God to people, even though that's what I'm technically supposed to be doing.
Eventually I'll get to that I guess.
But right now I'm going to work on my mouth.
I'm going to stop swearing, cursing, cussing or whatever you want to call it.
Its really not nice for me to say things like that and its gotten to be a particularly nasty habit.
From now on I will not be swearing, cursing, cussing or whatever in my blog posts.
In a few minutes I'll be going back through all my old posts deleting a bunch and maybe just tweaking the words on some other ones.
I'm not going to get all religious and start posting "Daily Bible Verses" or whatever but I might talk about God a little more and definitely change some bad words for good.
I have to start somewhere and this is where it will be.
My posts will still be sarcastic and funny (If you even think they're sarcastic and funny in the first place. I do.)
I'll still be me, but with a little less sailor.
Oh!
Check out these really cool socks I got as a belated Christmas present.

They're knee socks.

Well, over-the-knee socks, technically.

Pretty cool.

So this week was my last first week back at school and I missed every day of it.
I only go to school two days a week; its part of the program I'm in. 
I take 14 hours of classes in 2 days and then I work 40 hours a week at my job.
I missed Wednesday because it was Boots' grandmother's funeral.
It was a very nice funeral.
Its so different attending a funeral rather than working one.
I don't know what to do really, so I spent most of my time watching Boots like he was going to run away and leave me!
I wasn't scared being around these people that I don't really but kinda know, I just wanted to be with Boots.
Hold his hand everywhere we walked.
And I just like looking at him.
Observing.
I like watching the way he walks and watching him laugh at jokes while he's talking to other people.
I'm missing school today, Thursday, because of the snow.
My school's in Mississippi and they are scheduled to receive 4 to 6 inches of snow today.
So no school.
And now its starting to snow here in Alabama.
Ugh.
I hate snow.
Why does it ever have to snow in the South?
If we wanted snow that bad, couldn't we go up North to experience it?
It only creates headaches down here.

Today is my last first day at my school.
I've been going here for two years, this is my fifth semester and I'm almost officially done.
Its not much longer til the end.

New Quarters

I'm not talking about money.
Guess where I'm sleeping tonight.
At the fun house funeral home.
Guess why.
Read this next part really fast just for kicks.
Trust me, it sounds better inside your head that way.
And imagine the voice that's saying it is really southern.
K?
Here goes.
Cuz I got a horrible gas leak and I almost woke up at work instead of coming to work because last night before I went to bed I almost left the gas logs on and went to sleep but I got up to turn them off because I was afraid that the extra heat would catch my couch (lovely couch!) on fire and then burn our  house stupid apartment where 8 dogs live upstairs nice apartment down but instead I might have prevented us from dying in our sleep of carbon monoxide poisoning!
Whew!
Out of breath now.
And that's quite a string of prepositional phrases.
OK, fast story slower.
The roommate came home from work, smelled gas, called landlady, no answer.
Proceded to hunt down call maintenance man.
Maintenance man arrives, says, "Ya gotta gas leak!", procedes to shut off gas, pops back in his truck with his lady friend and speeds away.
OK.
Now what?
Roommate decides maybe still not safe to breathe there, packs up my dog and since I gotta be on call for the "Hotel California" tonight, I'm sleeping at work.
In the dorm.
On one of the old twin beds.
Excellent.
I don't mind sleeping here, but I'd rather be at home sleeping in my bed because I KNOW whose cooties are in that mattress--mine!
And I gotta get ready for school here in the morning.
And Boots' grandma died last night.
Which really sucks.
I never even knew the lady.
He cried.
Which was really sad but I can't wait to see him cry Wednesday at her funeral.
I want to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him and love on him.
Is that wrong that I'm eagerly anticipating seeing the boyfriend cry?
It just occurred to me that I might be a tad bit excited.
Geez Louise, what kind of sicko am I?
Oh!
Aaaaaaaaannnnnndddddd......I'm up to 9 followers!
Yay me!

Last night at visitation I was talking to my friend Worm (we call him Worm because he's so skinny) about his upcoming wedding.
He said that her parents have spent $4000 (that's FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS folks!) on flowers.
FLOWERS!
I don't have $4000 to spend on anything let alone something that will be dead and ugly the next day!
I'm flabbergasted!
I've been thinking plastic silk was the way to go.
What about your weddings?
Give me some ideas!

Traditions/Superstitions

Here in America (or maybe I should just say "Here in this South" since I can't really speak for the rest of the country) we believe in eating black eyed peas, cornbread, greens, and hog jawls on NYD.
Why?
Because its a long standing tradition.
Because they say its good luck.
Because they say it will bring you money in the new year.
Whatever.
I ate two ham and cheese sandwiches with mustard for lunch. 
We'll see how my luck runs this year.