When Does Tragedy Arrive?: June 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009

My Dee Dee

This is a picture of me, my Dee Dee, and my Popaw before I left for my senior prom in 2007.

My Dee Dee died in July of 2007.
It all started with the blackberry rum cake at Thanksgiving 2006.
Then the throwing up everyday.
Then the weakness.
Then going to the hospital Christmas 2006 night.
Then finding out that she had pancreatic cancer two days later.
Finding out she was terminal, it was hard to kill.
Finding out that the cancer had spread to her liver.
Still throwing up every single day.
Every single day.
The chemo.
The radiation.
The weakness.
The throwing up.
Finding out about the brain tumor.
The radiation for that.
But my Dee Dee died two days after her birthday.
1943-2007
My Popaw took such good care of her the whole time.
He loved her.
He still loves her, even though he's gotten married again.
I loved her.
I still love her.
But I don't miss her anymore.
Its been nearly two years and I don't cry anymore.
She's not in the ground, she's in my head.
She was my biggest fan.
I dreamed about her last night.
I dreamed about being in her house, which is where my mom lives now.
I dreamed she was talking about how "Aunt Nancy" was so mean to her.
She was sitting in my Popaw's blue recliner in my dream.
I could see her, I could hear her.
In my dream she sounded exactly like she did in real life.
She looked like she did in real life.
In my dream, they had installed a big claw footed tub in the living room in front of their bay window but the curtain didn't reach all the way around the shower so people could see you from the other side of the window.
She went to get her purse so she could explain to me why she liked it so much.
And then I got a text message and she was gone.
My mama.
Woke me up.
My Dee Dee disappeared.
My mama said that she dreams about her too, and that she doesn't miss her anymore.
She says that it has helped her to live in Dee Dee's house.
Oh, how I loved my Dee Dee.
Can't wait to see her again.