Smooth

Went out to eat.
Spilled Boots' drink on myself.
Smooth.
Real smooth.

Dear Pioneer Woman

Dear Pioneer Woman,
I love you but you almost killed me tonight.
I love your blog.
I read it several times a day.
I've tried several of your recipes, my latest being your Fried Zucchini Strings.
Uh-huh.
I think you know where this is going.
I don't know how to fry!
But I'm a pyro and I know how to start fires!
I waited until the grease (I'm from Alabama, we don't call it oil) was very hot.
I plunged in my first batch of Zucchini Strings, just like you said, and let them brown.
They turned out OK. A little smaller than I thought they'd be but maybe I julienned them a little too much.
This was my first time using a mandolin before; I'm a beginner.
Salted them, devoured them, forged ahead.
The second batch turned out about the same as the first.
Still liking this project, we (Melanie and I) kept on.
This time, I put in too many.
And our pot was too small.
And the grease spilled over the side.
And the eye caught on fire.
And I screamed muddy blurder.
And Melanie screamed muddy blurder.
And Nikki (that's my dog) went berserk.
It was a very dramatic few seconds, you should have been there.
Really, you should.
The flames were only about a foot tall and licking the bottom of the microwave.
Me, in my infinite wisdom, threw two of Melanie's favorite kitchen towels on the flames to smother them.
I learned this in all those stupid courses I've taken that I thought I'd never have a use for.
Melanie was afraid the towels would catch on fire and I barely managed to stop her from pouring a cup of water all over our electric stove!!!
But, the situation was taken care of.
The towels were thrown away.
I decided I'd had enough of danger and Zucchini Strings for one night and poured us both a stiff drink to calm our nerves.
Maybe another night, probably tonight, I'll try the Fried Zucchini Strings again.
But this time, I'll be armed with baking soda and a fire extinguisher.
And possible a fire truck.
I really need to get some Renter's Insurance.
Today.
Love,
Your Friend You've Never Met,
Rachel.
P.S. There are no pictures to go along with this post.
I find it very difficult to take pictures while cooking and not fighting fires.
I don't know how you do it.
But, that's why you're my hero.

How True......

"Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals because nobody wants to read the small print in dreams."
------Ann Landers

Death Is The Overtone Of The Day

It always happens.
It happened in the fifth grade with my friend RJ.
RJ was an outsider as far as fifth grade circles went.
In the fifth grade if you were any way different or "less perfect" than all the other kids thought they were you were singled out and considered to be weird and ugly.
I'm guilty of making fun of her and picking on her too.
But then her mother died.
Something about the cruelest kid changes when they hear about someone dying and for a few minutes they are compassionate.
Lots of kids, including me, felt sorry for RJ and the loss of her mother.
We were glad it wasn't us and a particular few reached out to her and brought her into our little circle.
We were close friends with RJ until graduation.
After that, I kind of went my own way but that is neither here nor there and has nothing to do with the title of this post.
RJ's story was just to provide a little bit of background on the fact that I've been here before.

The Ragin' Cajun's son died.
He was riding his motorcycle and was hit by Mexican with no license.
Braindead, The Ragin' Cajun had to decided to take him off life support.
I know this was a very difficult decision for her and I'm sure that I couldn't have made it.
I would have to wait several weeks in order to make sure that a decision this permanent was the right choice.
I would have to wait and make sure that the person would never be able to live any kind of life beyond a vegetative state again.
The story behind The Ragin' Cajun is this: she drives us all up the flippin' wall!
We can't stand her.
She's blunt with her clients and drives them away from her because of her persistent saleslady attitude.
She's good at selling things, but not so good at relating to people in their time of need.
We all have had a run in with her and recently she's gotten worse.
But now that The Ragin' Cajun is hurting, we're circling the wagons to help her.
She's suffering and we're reaching out.
Trying to bring in someone who we previously pushed away.
Why are people like this?
Are all people like this or is it just me?
Do animals do the same thing when another animal experiences loss and hurt like this?
I know its tough and I feel terrible for her.
What else can I do other than be nice to her, even though she's not on my favorite people in the world list?
I feel terrible for her.
She has to come in today and make funeral arrangements for her son.
It will be hard seeing her and I know she'll fall to pieces when she walks in that front door.
I would.
I'd hate to be in her shoes.
******
I wonder how Boots' night was last night.
It was the Take Back Our Highways weekend and I'm sure he arrested lots of people.
Maybe he's got a good story.
Or two.
Maybe nothing too dangerous.
******
I am definitely feeling the pain of all that running.
My muscles are aching.
My thigh muscles.
My calf muscles.
My shin muscles.
My rib muscles.
(forgot the proper names of those, thanks two semesters of Anatomy! You were lots of help!)
My stomach muscles.
But I'm going running in the morning.
If I keep on I might get skinny.
******
I went down to the farm last night.
The air was so sweet.
And quiet.
Well......
Sort of.
It was quiet until the cows got wind of the pellets we were offering and then they went NUTS!
Mooing all over the place.
Jumping around everywhere, jostling each other to get to them first.
It was exciting and scary at the same time!
I mean, cows are pretty docile but they're huge!
The little ones weigh 800 pounds and most of these were probably close to twice that size!
Yikes!
But I love cows.
I can't wait to have my own one day.
I can't wait to have my own farm where I can get away from everything.
Away from all these people.
Away from the traffic noise.
A place where I can work on something that matters.
Like pulling weeds out of my garden.
I love pulling weeds.
Its probably unhealthy how much I love pulling weeds.
Its destruction but constructive at the same time.
Constructive destruction.
We fed the tilapia.
Man, I can't wait to eat them!
We fed ourselves.
Grilled vegetables (squash, onions, zucchinis, tomatoes) and shrimp.
Man, it was good.
******
I really need to go back there and work on that dresser but I'm just not feeling it yet this morning.
I'm almost finished sanding it and then after that the next step is the wood filler.
******
My mom is coming to stay with me tonight.
Oh.
Dear.

"Its Very Hard to Surprise Me"

Those will be my famous last words.
Don't ever tell a man that has "Determined" as his middle name that you can't be surprised.
Because you will get sent home early from work.
And you're not very observant.
And when you take your dog out to pee, he will stick his tongue out at you.
You will do a double take.
Then your face will erupt in a big smile because you haven't seen him in over a week.
That is exactly what happened.
I was surprised.

Don't Mind Me While I Stroke Out

I am so broke.
I get paid Saturday.
Saturday as in two days from now.
My check is already gone.
The money has already been used up with my bills.
So I'm looking forward to the next paycheck.
Two weeks from now.
My car still hasn't been returned to me.
It will be borrowed until at least Monday.
That will put it at 15 days out of my possession.
Oh, how I miss my car.
I'd like to run away.
School starts in less than a month.
I'm really gonna stroke out if it turns out that the whole thing was a sham and school's really not paid for.
Oh, dear.

My Dog

1. Loves her SpongeBob golf ball.
2. Scratches her face all the time because she has heat rash.
3. Is currently without fleas.
4. Growls at you when she wants you to throw her ball.
5. Barks at every little cricket fart she hears.
6. Hates people she doesn't already know.
7. Doesn't like to be outside, she gets too hot.
8. Doesn't know it, but she's getting her haircut at home next time.

Further proof that gambling and slot machines aren't for me: I lost 75 cents to the stamp machine at the grocery store.

Things I Love

1. Breakfast food no matter what the occasion or time of day.
2. New books.
3. No spelling errors.
4. Sugar.
5. Taking naps
6. Good pictures of myself.
7. Art.
8. Music.
9. Getting to know new friends.
10. Kittens.
11. Fresh bedsheets.
12. Clothes straight out of the drier.

More Zoo Pictures

So, is it black on white or white on black?

My Favorite Part

A skeleton, of course.

Zoo Trip 2009

A Photo Tells a Story

This one picture sums up the pauper cemetery in New Orleans.
The cemetery is right next to Delgado, the college where the funeral service program is.
The whole thing is full of markers and headstones like this one.
People just use whatever they can.
And they have to because they're so poor.
Kinda sad.
I love cemeteries.
They have so many stories.
I love a good story.

This is Going to Hurt

I really like Boots.
Really, really like Boots.
I like where this is going.