Dear Pioneer Woman

Dear Pioneer Woman,
I love you but you almost killed me tonight.
I love your blog.
I read it several times a day.
I've tried several of your recipes, my latest being your Fried Zucchini Strings.
Uh-huh.
I think you know where this is going.
I don't know how to fry!
But I'm a pyro and I know how to start fires!
I waited until the grease (I'm from Alabama, we don't call it oil) was very hot.
I plunged in my first batch of Zucchini Strings, just like you said, and let them brown.
They turned out OK. A little smaller than I thought they'd be but maybe I julienned them a little too much.
This was my first time using a mandolin before; I'm a beginner.
Salted them, devoured them, forged ahead.
The second batch turned out about the same as the first.
Still liking this project, we (Melanie and I) kept on.
This time, I put in too many.
And our pot was too small.
And the grease spilled over the side.
And the eye caught on fire.
And I screamed muddy blurder.
And Melanie screamed muddy blurder.
And Nikki (that's my dog) went berserk.
It was a very dramatic few seconds, you should have been there.
Really, you should.
The flames were only about a foot tall and licking the bottom of the microwave.
Me, in my infinite wisdom, threw two of Melanie's favorite kitchen towels on the flames to smother them.
I learned this in all those stupid courses I've taken that I thought I'd never have a use for.
Melanie was afraid the towels would catch on fire and I barely managed to stop her from pouring a cup of water all over our electric stove!!!
But, the situation was taken care of.
The towels were thrown away.
I decided I'd had enough of danger and Zucchini Strings for one night and poured us both a stiff drink to calm our nerves.
Maybe another night, probably tonight, I'll try the Fried Zucchini Strings again.
But this time, I'll be armed with baking soda and a fire extinguisher.
And possible a fire truck.
I really need to get some Renter's Insurance.
Today.
Love,
Your Friend You've Never Met,
Rachel.
P.S. There are no pictures to go along with this post.
I find it very difficult to take pictures while cooking and not fighting fires.
I don't know how you do it.
But, that's why you're my hero.